The New Dating Game - Mommy Style

You used to meet them for dinner, or just drinks if you weren't completely sure; you used to get dressed up and put on your makeup just-so when you knew they were coming; you used to get nervous and worry about how you looked and what you would talk about, would you have anything in common with your date?

Now instead of trendy bars, you meet them at playgroups in the community center or the local park while keeping an eye on your kids. Now instead of spying a good possibility over a martini on a Saturday night, you see them out at the coffee shop on a Tuesday morning, or out walking on your street for exercise.

Now you are seeking a different kind of date, and it's not the kind that's going to buy you dinner. But she might treat you to coffee if you offer to pay next time.

The urban mommy is playing a new kind of dating game, and it's not with a man--it's with a woman, and she has kids. This mommy is seeking the companionship and friendship of a compatriot of sorts- someone that understands her needs and desires. Someone that can sympathize not only about her kids; but also about her life--or lack thereof. This mommy is looking for someone that can meet up for coffee or a walk, and can carry on a conversation that will make her forget how tired she is. This mommy is looking for a play date partner.

Going at this baby game alone is a tough business; moms need someone to talk to. Without a sounding board, a new mom can go crazy sitting at home and listening to the sound of her own voice. She needs to get out of the house and meet a friend!

So how does this dating game work?

First, find a location where other mommies tend to congregate. Parks are good, as are community classes like mom- and tot drop ins or other types of lessons.

Second, make eye contact. Check out the other moms around you and see who you think you would click with. Maybe her? No, too young. Look for someone who is in your age range and will better understand you. Make sure people don't see you checking them out because they might think you're a stalker.

Third, make vocal contact. This is where you ask what her baby's name is; her name comes later. Then make contact with her baby and compliment her on her hair/eyes/clothes. Any of the above is acceptable.

Fourth, get the digits. This is where you exchange names (now you can ask for hers), and phone number or email; very important for setting up that first essential date.

Lastly, make the call. Don't wait the recommended three days that you wait with a man--this date should be dialed up the next day or the day after at the latest. Let her know that you remember her and her child and set up a date for the following week. Coffee is a good icebreaker to get to know each other. Make sure to ask lots of pertinent questions to unravel who she is, and what she was doing before she had kids. This sets the background for following dates to come.

On the big day of the "first date", make sure to listen to what she says and ask lots of questions yourself. Ask about her partner, her baby and her day-to-day activities. Empathize and look for things you have in common. Sometimes just having a baby is not the be all and end all to a fruitful partnership.

If it doesn't go well with this one, don't worry! There are lots of other mommies out there just waiting to meet you and your baby. Try out a new location or a new day at the same location and new opportunities are bound to appear.

When it comes to finding a play date partner, the waters can be just as choppy as when you were finding a male date. There will be some winners and some losers along the way but you need to keep on trying. Finding the perfect life partner didn't come easily, but you managed to find one of those (or maybe you didn't, but at least you produced a beautiful child!) and finding the perfect play date mom will not be simple either.

So, what are you waiting for? Head out to your local library story time and get dating!

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