Online Dating - The Red Frame Of Death

Everyone who has ever used a PC knows what a "BSOD" is. The dreaded "Blue Screen Of Death" is what happens when your computer decides it has basically had enough, and crashes harder than Cosmo The Hairless Terrier after a long day of "turbo barking" and spinning aimlessly in circles until unwittingly falling down the stairs.

But before I get the Mac apologists in the audience all warmed up, my real point here is to address something even more pointless than a cratered PC.

Every once in a while I'm going to blog about online dating tips that are "bonus content" above and beyond what you'll find in Online Dating Domination. This post in particular is about the Red Frame Of Death (RFOD), which craters your CHANCES in the online dating world. Especially tragic is that this RFOD phenomenon happens at the hands of one simple decision, usually made at the time of signing up.

Now bear in mind that there are LOTS of bad decisions one can make right when getting started with online dating. Some you dig yourself out from under as you build skill. Others, not so much.

Look, here it is in plain English: NEVER pay extra to have that red frame put around your picture on Match.com.

In fact, I'm not even sure how it GETS there to begin with. Based on some quick searching around the site, it's decidedly hard to even figure out how to PUT it there. And when you consider that Match.com stands to get more of your money for providing this "service", all that says to me is that they can't even bring themselves to upsell you there with a straight face.

Supposedly, it's designed to help you stand out from the crowd in search results.

So what's the problem?

Well pragmatically speaking, if you are a guy it's a waste of money no matter what. For the most part, the best women aren't even searching. They'd rather YOU be a man of bold initiative and search for them.

But more subjectively speaking, nothing says "I'm flat-out desperate for any attention whatever other human being who can fog a mirror is willing to give me" than becoming the only person on a page of 100 people who has that silly feature activated.

Seriously. Whose reckoning of human psychology led them to reason the following sequence?

1) Person pays extra $$$ to have his or her picture framed in red so it "stands out".

2) Incredibly desirable MOTOS notice your picture first in a sea of anonymous "non-framed" pics.

3) Said desirable MOTOS collectively slap their own foreheads and exclaim, "Criminy! How could I have MISSED THAT one until now!"

4) E-mails from eager admirers flood the Framed One's inbox.

Uh...I don't think so. Back in the real world, incredibly desirable MOTOS notice your picture alright. But at that point the scarlet frame around your mugg may as well be a scarlet letter on your forehead. And that letter would be "L".

Remember, people on the other side of the computer in the online dating world don't really know you...yet. It's all about the first impression. And if someone has that red frame around his or her face, the judgment (fair or not) is going to be that he or she is caught in a futile vortex of approval seeking neediness, aggravated by an utter lack of confidence in his or her own ability to stand out from the crowd based on natural merit.

And this judgment call occurs in a split second. And it cannot be recovered from.

Besides...red? The emotions triggered by red are NOT the ones you want to inspire...at least not yet. How many airlines with RED planes are still in business? Even Southwest switched to blue. And Northwest doesn't count because it's a terrible airline and therefore SHOULD be red. Suffice it to say there's a reason why almost all airliners have blue paint on them somewhere.

Similarly, we don't talk about "red flags" in the dating world for no reason. So resist the urge to literally become one.

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