Dating On The Rebound Merry-Go-Round

The breakup of an intimate relationship or marriage can be a very difficult experience, leaving us with overwhelming feelings of confusion, loneliness, sleeplessness, anxiety, appetite changes, and unworthy of true love. Our self-esteem often takes a nose dive, leaving us feeling emotionally raw, vulnerable and needy at times. We may begin to question or doubt our attractiveness and desirability for any possible future relationship.

One tempting way of coping with these unpleasant emotions is to quickly fall into the arms of someone else, to hold and comfort us, telling us all the things we most want to hear and feel. But, if you're looking for a long-term relationship, dating on the Merry-Go-Round of a rebound relationship is definitely not the thing to do. Rushing into another relationship after a painful breakup usually sets both people up for failure right from the start, consequently causing more pain for both dating partners. While seeking distraction and relief may seem reasonable at the time, the fantasy and illusion of being with someone new and attentive quickly begins to fade, ending with one or both people feeling hurt and used.

The biggest problem with rebound relationships is that you're usually doing it for the wrong reasons. People involved in rebound relationships often seek a "quick fix" for their pain and damaged self-esteem, hoping their new partner will help make them forget the heartache suffered from the previous relationship. The desire to numb the pain of the breakup, by quickly becoming involved in another, is not healthy for the broken hearted nor fair to the new person hoping that they have found their soul-mate. You need time to grieve and fully heal before becoming emotionally ready for a new person to enter your life, allowing yourself to grow into someone who is emotionally whole rather than needy.

Relationship counselors recommend waiting about a year before beginning to look for another committed relationship, thus giving you the time to work through the phases of shock, anger and despair that likely accompanied your loss. It is important for you to do some soul searching and serious self-examination to make sure you are truly ready for another relationship, and to discover how you can improve yourself for the next one. Taking this time can also help prevent you from becoming involved in a long-term pattern of going from one bad relationship to another bad one. People who have had a series of bad relationships are not unlucky, they simply have not taken the time needed to heal and discover who they are, what their goals are, what they like or dislike, and what they truly want out of life.

It is a time to take stock of your life, spend time with friends who know and love you, develop and nurture some hobbies, catch up on reading self-improvement books, recreating yourself anew. Learn that you cannot derive true Self-Esteem and Worthiness from someone else. It must all come from within you.

Every season unfolds in its own time, and it's best to accept the season you are living in rather than trying to artificially rush through to the next one. Take it slow, heal your feelings and learn from the lessons of your past choices and decisions so you don't repeat them. You will survive.

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