Dating After Death or Divorce: A Primer on Getting Back in the Dating Game - The Truth About Online

Deciding to get back into the dating pool after the death of your partner or after a divorce can be a very intimidating prospect. Wondering if you have waited long enough, are emotionally ready to date someone new, and how you will meet available partners are all valid concerns. If you have been in a long relationship and it has been a long time since you dated or met anyone new you are interested in, the idea of going through the process of meeting someone and getting to know them can seem like a daunting task after being in a relationship where you were so comfortable.

As nerve wracking as it can be, if you have the right attitude getting back into the dating pool can be an exciting and worthwhile adventure. What follows are a few things to keep in mind as you stick your big toe back in the dating pool.

1) Give yourself time to grieve your past relationship. Whether your relationship ended because of death or divorce, you need to grieve. Loosing a partner to death is devastating. Divorce is also very painful. You need to acknowledge your feelings and process your grief before you can fully commit to pursuing another relationship.

2) Let go of the past. This absolutely does not mean that you stop loving the person you have lost. Frankly, I wouldn't want to date someone who stopped loving their partner simply because they had died. But it does mean that you have to let them go, accept that that relationship is over, and desire to move onto a new phase of your life. The same goes for people who are divorced. In order to move on to something new, you have to let go of the old. Learn from your mistakes and approach the future with a clean slate.

3) Acknowledge your needs. No matter what our age, we all have the need for human companionship. It is ok to want to have someone in your life. Whether it is just to have a companion to have dinner and participate in other activities with or whether you are looking for a serious relationship that may lead to marriage, you need to acknowledge your needs and be OK with it.

3) When is it enough time? This can be a difficult question to answer. We are no longer bound by convention in society that says you must wait a specific period of time before dating. Many people are afraid of what people will say if they appear to be dating too soon or they have their own feelings of guilt thinking they are betraying their former partner by dating someone soon after a loss. The answer is when you are ready you are ready. For some people that is a year or more, for some it is a lot less. You may meet someone you really like a lot sooner than you plan and want to date them or it may take you a while to find that special someone. As long as you have paid attention to rule number one above, let your heart guide you. Life is short. Do you really want to pass up an opportunity for possible happiness because you are afraid you have not waited long enough?

4) Be cautious. I wish I could say everyone out there is pure in their motives. Unfortunately there are people out there of any age who prey on vulnerable people. If you have not been in the dating world for a while, your anxiousness and excitement when you meet someone new may cloud your judgment. Exercise caution for your physical safety as well as your personal safety. Get to know someone before you tell them where you live. Meet them in a public place the first several times you see them. NEVER discuss financial information until you know someone very well. NEVER give someone money or the keys to your house. Use common sense. If someone really wants to get to know you they will understand why you want to meet in public or take things slow. Also there is safety in numbers so consider taking another single friend with you to single events. It can help you feel more at ease at singles events where it is easy to feel awkward.

5) Have fun. Whether you are looking for a long term relationship or something more casual take time to enjoy the experience of meeting new people and being sociable. Every person you meet will not be a Mr. or Ms Right but that does not mean you can't enjoy their company and make a new friend. Plus, you never know who they might introduce you to!

While dating again after a death or divorce can be anxiety provoking and stressful, how you approach it can go a long way to have a positive attitude and get the most from your experiences. If you consider these tips you will be on your way to putting yourself out there in a positive way.

Kelly Connell better known online as "SexPert Kelly" is a contributing author to many sites dealing with Human Sexuality, Dating and Relationships. Her newest project covers online dating [http://thetruthaboutonlinedating.org] and how the newly single amongst us can maximize their online dating experiences [http://thetruthaboutonlinedating.org] while minimizing the disasters :-) Click here to read more! [http://thetruthaboutonlinedating.org]

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