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The Mating Game - Post Divorce

Perhaps it is that they have go used to the marriage situation and derive security from it or perhaps they want to prove to themselves that they can get it right or prove to their partner that they can get it right!

While the "merry" divorcee is a rather derogatory term to use I do know my fair share of divorced women who, perhaps as a way of dealing with post divorced stress, have jumped headlong into being single and willing to mingle.

There no longer seems to be an obvious stigma about "divorcees" and they seem to have equal opportunities to meet new partners and thanks to online dating it can even be done at their convenience and without prying eyes. There is though an unvoiced opinion (again more in the context of women) that a person might settle for less than their preconceived ideal the second time round.

Playing the Dating Game Again

A young divorcee with no children doesn't have to waste time getting back to a life that was briefly given up. Online dating is becoming increasingly rampant where people divorced or otherwise seemed to be taking to. The advantage of online dating for divorcees is that they can chat with people and exchange mails and take things forward with potential partners who seem comfortable with the whole "divorcee" bit.

An older divorcee with the responsibility of children might find it a lot more difficult to find a suitable partner second time around. While it isn't necessary, it is more than likely that single men without children may not want to hook up with somebody who comes with a readymade family. The responsibility of parenting someone else's children might make them uncomfortable. Here again the men usually have it easier as single women seem more inclined to take on the role of "stepmom" if she finds a man really interesting.

In more traditional set ups, families sometimes kick in and play match makers trying to get one divorcee hooked up with another. It is strange that a person could have had a string of unsuccessful relationships behind them and still be considered a great catch. However, one broken marriage and a person gets the "but he/she is divorce" tag.

Reintroducing the Divorcee

A divorcee looking to hook up with a new partner online shouldn't sound divorced defensive or too aggressive about being single again. The idea is to meet likeminded people and not someone who is willing to date a divorcee!

While it is important to be honest about the divorce there is no need for details unless things move on to a stage that requires explanations. It is great to keep in mind lessons learnt from a failed marriage but it shouldn't make a person so paranoid that they are looking for warning signs from the very beginning.

Like you would introduce yourself if you hadn't been divorced, you need to put your best foot forward. It is necessary to be light hearted but not so that you are considered "easy." It is important to sound self assured but not so that you come across as too opinionated. Also please don't start all sentences with "when I was married" or "my ex-husband used to say".

Being divorced is just a state of affairs and not a defining characteristic and so the same approach must be adapted to dating as if you hadn't been divorced except this time you might have the advantage of knowing what you want better. Experiences are supposed to teach us lessons to make a better life for us, so to repeat similar mistakes is to not make the best of a second chance at love.

Conclusion

During our lifespan people come into our lives and people go out of our lives. Some people stay and leave an impact while some people touch us briefly. Everyone we meet add to our lives in a small way or big. While immediately after a divorce it might seem hard to look at the brighter side of things, one shouldn't get so caught up in the negative aspects of a relationship and not be able to move on.

Life is to live fully and make the most of and a getting divorced may not be the happiest thing to happen but it means you have another chance to meet the person you didn't meet the first time round!

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