There are 4 elements during online dating communication you need to pay attention to in order to find out whether your online friend is right for you or not:
1. Compatibility
2. Comfort Zones
3. Values & Beliefs
4. Communication Patterns
1. COMPATIBILITY CREATES ATTRACTION
You have successfully established and connection with someone online. The next step is getting to know each other through various topics of conversation. By exploring different topics of conversation you start to develop a sense of compatibility and begin creating comfort zones.
Initial Topics of Conversation can include: Hobbies, Commonalities, Goals, Life Stories, Travelling, Career, Music, Performing Arts, Sports, or other Interests
Starting in these and other basic safe zones will make it easier for you and your candidate to open up and begin getting to know more about each others lifestyle and personality.These are areas of a persons life you can generally talk about that comes with a low risk of offending. Topics that you generally want to initially avoid are: politics, religion, sex, former relationships and money. Usually you need to develop more rapport, comfort and trust before you can talk about these areas of life.
2. BECOMING COMFORTABLE
This is the fun part! You are getting to know each other and exploring comfort zones on different topics. Some people are shyer and more reserved, while other people may open up, tease, joke around and start flirting. The main thing you have to focus on is calibrating yourself, which means not going too far with something and offending them - otherwise its game over. Being able to laugh at yourself is always a sign of security and keeps the conversation light hearted. This is done by making fun of your own imperfections.
example: "Singing is not my best quality. I tried some karaoke last week and I sounded like a zebra in heat during mating season."
Your candidate will believe your minor imperfections, but they will also believe, and focus more on, your major perfections.
3. EXCHANGING VALUES & BELIEFS
During these email exchanges you can inject deeper and more meaningful ideas that relate more to about who you are and what you are seeking in a partner. This is done by coming off of different conversation topics and mentioning why you feel that way:
example: "After I read that book, money became more important in my life because I wanted to give back more to my community."
Creating common ground for personal beliefs is a huge indicator of interest and can create immense attraction. This will help to generate a sense of compatibility and shine some light on determining whether or not the person is a good match.
4. COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
Are extremely relevant in feeling compatible and finding comfort. Pay attention to your prospects use of language, grammar and slang.
example: "Hey dude, how'd your weekend hiking trip go? I was just hanging out with my bros, catching some waves and rays at the beach..."
Clearly this person is the "surfer" type - not to judge them, but this just reveals a little more about their social communication style, giving you a better sense of their personality and lifestyle.
BOTTOM LINE
Getting to know other singles online is best achieved through open and direct communication. Being straightforward about who you are and what you are seeking in a relationship, will help you to find better matches and determine whether or not someone is right for you. Becoming comfortable with someone has alot to do with personality, compatibility, commonalities and exploring comfort zones within those social spheres. Most importantly, in order for trust and comfort to develop (which is foundational in any type of relationship) you have to be coming from an honest place. The most powerful attraction tool out there is being truthful - plain and simple.
Michael Myroniuk, [http://www.danceoflove.net]
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